The Things that Haunt You are Not What You Did, But What You Didn't Do

“The things that haunt you are not what you did, but what you didn’t do.” These lyrics resonate in me from the song, “The Fire” by Senses Fail. It’s always better to regret what you did, than what you didn’t do. My biggest regret to date is not ever going to a University I was accepted to and then not finishing my degree. I had so many goals and aspirations, then life happened. Regrets always resurface when I’m at my weakest during the darkest of nights. I lie awake beating myself up. The what if’s, the how come’s, the taunting words in my own voice telling myself what a huge failure and disappointment I am. These are common struggles among artists, I’ve noticed. We are so critical of ourselves and so unforgiving at times.

So a great opportunity has landed in my lap. I was scouted by RAW Artists organization to display my artwork at their Sacramento, CA showcase on March 7th. They saw my self portrait and were impressed. I’m not going to lie, it was really flattering. That taunting voice kicks in and it scared me to death. My art is so personal. Just creating this website was a huge leap for me. Now an art show? There’s no way I’m ready!

I sat on it for a couple of days and then I started reaching out to those closest to me to get their advice and opinions. Almost all but 1 person was happy for me and encouraged me to do it. This would be a great opportunity to promote my new site, my new brand, my new direction, just promote my art. So I reached out to RAW Artists to get more info and to make sure it was legit. They responded early the next morning with more details. I reach out to my inner circle again and they all agreed that it was a great opportunity. So I’m taking a second leap and have accepted their offer. Long story short, I was contacted by their booking agent, created my profile and I’m officially doing my very first art showcase! My only commitment is to sell 20 tickets to the event by 7 days prior to the showcase date.

I’m still scared half to death. People say that art comes from the soul. No, not for me. Art is my soul. My soul is at stake. Just the thought of rejection and dismissal is so devastating. It would be so damaging that I don’t think I’d be able to do art again. These are true fears.

I can’t let fear win. I’m reminded by everyone around me that I’m not one to let fear ever stop me. I’m stronger and braver than I give myself credit. That may be true, but art is a whole new space-time in a realm that belongs only to me. It is secured surrounded by walls, behind locked doors, suited in armor. Just as it is secured, it’s also very fragile. It can come crumbling down with a single blow.

I was contacted by a director from RAW Artists and he browsed through my profile and artwork prior to calling me. He told me my artwork was mind blowing and my hyper realism is so spot on. He was wildly impressed and told me he has seen so many art pieces throughout the years and my artwork was at a really high level. It was the biggest compliment I could have ever received. It took every ounce in me not to cry on the phone with him that it made for awkward pauses and me rushing him off the phone haha… I kept it together as best as I can.

Once we hung up, I was on my bed ugly crying for an hour because I was so overwhelmed with pride and joy. I was so painfully happy that it felt like a stake shoved into my heart. A complete stranger that runs art showcases said my artwork was “mind blowing!” It was a pivoting moment for me as an artist. Do I stay safe and guarded continuing what I’m doing? Or do I punch fear in the face and take off running at the speed of light? I choose the latter. I will always choose the latter. Hiding is not my style by a long mile.

I am doing my very first art showcase!!!! This is my first time ever displaying my artwork in public in the flesh. No one outside of my circle has seen my artwork physically. March 7th is a defining moment for me as an artist. I get to see how well my artwork will be received and also if there is even a market for my work. I plan on selling postcards and sticker sheets to start out small.

I’m also creating a brand newly designed favor, an idea I’ve been obsessing over for the last 5 years. This is the perfect event to create them for. It’s going to be nothing I’ve done before. It will manually rotate, have lights, and of course, the compartment to hold the treats just like my other favors. I’m so excited to announce it once I create a prototype. First 20 people to purchase tickets under my name as their supporting artist will receive a free favor. I will make an extra 15 to try to sell at the show. The favor will cost almost as much as the ticket itself so this is a very, very special design.

If you happen to be in the Sacramento, CA area on March 7th, come check out my artwork in person! Who knows when the next opportunity will be. I can promise you that my drawings look soooo much better in person. Digital platforms lose the extra dimension I like to render in my drawings.

The tickets are $22.50 and you can buy them under my profile: and click on Buy Tickets button under my profile photo. It is on March 7th at Ace of Spades in downtown Sacramento at 7:00 PM. There are a ton of amazing local artists in the lineup so there’s something for everyone! Come join us in celebrating art! We make the world that much more beautiful.