Blare Fest 2020 hosted by coldrain was on February 1-2, 2020. I wanted to take a little time to marinate in the experience and memories of that legendary weekend. Everyone knows that coldrain from Japan is my favorite band and I would take every opportunity I can to see them perform live if I’m allowed to financially and by availability. They announced that they will be doing a huge festival for 2020 inviting over 30 bands from around the world. Among those bands they’ve invited 4 of my other favorite bands: Survive Said the Prophet (SSTP), Noisemaker, Silence iz Mine (SiM), and Crystal Lake. That has never happened before where all 5 of my favorite bands performed in the same event. This was the first time and I knew I had to be there at any cost.

First, I had to convince my husband haha! I had a whole speech prepared about how hard I work each day, how much these bands inspire me, how much I needed some time off away from my daily life, I saved my bonus check from work plus taking on commissions so I have some side money saved, and just how much this would mean to me. Plus he gets to visit Japan again with me!

In November, I asked him casually what are the odds of us visiting Japan again say, February? He said close to not happening. So I explained that Blare Fest was happening and that all 5 of my favorite bands will be there and that has never happened before and I had promised myself that if all 5 bands played in one event that I will do everything in my power to go see them and and and… yep, a run-on-mile-long sentence without breathing. His response was okay, but you might have to go alone. WAIT WHAT??!! That’s it??? He said he knew how much my bands meant to me so yes, I can go. It’s tax and auditing season with year-end at his work so it was basically impossible for him to get the time off (he’s an accountant).

And that’s what I love so much about my husband. Even though we are so different on so many levels, we have been together since 2005 raising a really defiant 13 year old teenager with autism. Chance may not understand 75% of my choices or even my train of thoughts, but he gets me 100%. He doesn’t understand why I have to collect a garage full of random boxes or why I’m so gravitated to these bands, but he gets that they make me happy. My life would be just as cold and empty as those collected boxes piled up in my garage without this man.

Meanwhile, I had already been working on Noisemaker’s first gift before I even decided on going to Blare Fest. I was so inspired by their new single’s music video called Major-Minor. I wanted to create something as a small tribute which ended up turning into a massive tribute to Major-Minor. One pop up card turned into a suitcase filled with 8 pop up cards and 1 explosion box. All the while, I had no idea how I would ever give it to them? Then when they announced they were joining Blare Fest, I knew this would be the perfect opportunity to give them their gifts and see them perform once again. I had extended the gift making to creating separate suitcases of goodies for coldrain and SSTP (since I have an unofficial tradition of always giving them a handmade gift whenever I see them perform). Which included another separate suitcase for Noisemaker as well hahaha…

It was actually super stressful most of the trip. I had planned on being there just for the festival for that weekend since Chance was not coming with me. I wanted to save the touristy stuff for when I’m with my husband so we can saturate all of it together. Plus I remembered how cold it was in Japan in February from the previous visit. I was not about to be roaming around in freezing temperatures alone around town getting lost. Not this sunny, Cali girl.

Luckily my friend, Denise from Germany, was meeting me the first day I arrived which was Friday, January 31st. Even upon my arrival at the train station, I was lost AF! I had 2 very heavy luggage hauling between trains and across stations, I had a very loose, flowy blouse on that kept blowing up by the wind so I was giving Nagoya a free public show of my boobs, and I had my phone in between my index finger and thumb trying to navigate through Google Maps while the other 3 fingers were holding onto one of my luggage handles. I needed 7 hands and whatever I’m doing just ain’t working! I basically had to stay put and let Denise find me because I was failing on every level hahaha!

We made a day out of Friday going shopping and eating. Walked around a bit and checked out some of the local shops and buildings. We were both so tired from our travels, but managed to find the energy to go do some things together and had fun. I consider Denise one of my closest friends regardless of where we live so I was really happy to have spent that day with her. We got back to our apartment and started unpacking a bit and exchanged our gifts for each other. Started filling out cards for our bands and packed up their gifts for transporting to the festival the next day and called it a night.

The next morning on Saturday we were up early, but still really tired. We checked Instagram to see any posts of people in line and there was a really long line already forming at 7:00 AM even though doors opened at 9:00 AM. We were like fuck it! Take our time. There wasn’t really any band we had to see that morning anyway. We got ready and headed to the train station. As we arrived at the train station I realized I had forgotten my wallet, passport, and everything back at the apartment. Had to walk back 3 blocks to go get it. Caught the train and rolled into Blare Fest fashionably late with no line at like after noon’ish haha!

First we went to the merch table so we can hand over coldrain’s gifts. SSTP and Noisemaker weren’t there until Sunday so at least we only had coldrain to handle on Saturday. The merch sales people said that coldrain was not accepting gifts that day! WTF! So we go into panic mode! We asked the security guys if they can help us and they tried. Had a guy walk to the back to check for us and everything. Then one suggested we go talk to someone at the information booth by the food court. Meanwhile, Denise is desperately messaging Dajo, coldrain’s videographer who happens to be from Germany as well, hoping we can have him give the gifts to coldrain for us. So we headed towards the food court across the venue and as we are about to walk through the doors, Dajo walks right out the door coming towards our direction!!!! If there were ever to be a moment in my life where I would believe in fate or even god, it would have been that very moment. Denise caught his attention and explained everything in German— me: standing there useless having no idea what’s happening per usual haha… and he was kind enough to take the gifts to hand over to coldrain. We rejoiced in so much happiness and even had to take a moment to let it sink in. Success!

We spent the rest of our day checking out various bands even having to miss part of a set to see another band, like we had to leave a few songs into Crystal Lake’s set so we have a spot to see coldrain perform after. I was sad about that because it was my first time seeing Crystal Lake, but they just announced a world tour and I’ll be seeing them again on April 4th! I no longer feel so bad now.

Coldrain’s performance on Saturday night was truly superb in all of its glory. It was everything I had hoped for and have been yearning for. I hadn’t seen them since their Budokan concert almost 2 years ago exactly, just shy of 5 days. No words can describe how happy I was at that very moment. I can’t even remember the hustle and bustle going back home that night because I was seriously floating on cloud 9 the rest of the night. I had an emotional goodbye with Denise at the train station where we parted ways once again for the 3rd time since we’ve met. She was heading back to Tokyo to fly home Sunday morning and I was heading towards the subway to get back to the rented apartment.

I knew the next day I have to be up early because SSTP was performing first and I want to drop off their gift and Noisemaker’s gift before their set started. Finished packing their gifts for the next day, made sure I had my wallet this time haha! Went to bed at like 11:00 PM. Woke up to the sound of my alarm at 5:30 AM, got up, got ready, and I setup Uber to pick me up by 7:00 AM. Well, got lost on the way over there. Apparently Port Messe is huge and the driver did not speak English at all. I had spotted a group of kids wearing black and I said follow the kids in black! I was right… they were heading towards the venue.

The line was light years long! Even right before 8:00 AM it was insane. They had a separate line for those with 2 day pass bracelets like I did. I couldn’t read the Japanese signs, but followed a bunch of kids with the same colored bracelets hahaha… it worked once again. We were in line for an hour after doors had opened. I get in and I’m like okay, merch booths first to hand over the gifts. I had a tote bag with Noisemaker’s and SSTP’s was inside my backpack. Of course, there was a long line at both booths. The Blare Fest official merch had sold out except for wristbands on Saturday so I knew if I wasn’t there early for that line, it would sell out again Sunday. So all 3 lines were long and I had to choose 1. I chose Noisemaker because theirs was the biggest gifts and I was actually holding it in my hand. At least SSTP’s was inside my backpack.

I waited in line for Noisemaker for almost an hour. The clock is being stalked like a hawk (like that rhyming game?) because SSTP was performing first at 11:00 AM! I get to the merch booth and the young guy did not speak English very well, but understood well enough. I explained it and typed it into my Google Translator for assurance. He said he understood and can help. So I handed him over Noisemaker’s gift with as much courage and trust I can possibly stomach at that very moment. I felt a small droplet of tear welling up and I pushed it back like nope, not right now! You got shit to handle!! Bought my Noisemaker merch, shoved them inside my backpack and the clock said I had 20 minutes to head over to the other side of the campus to get to the dome where SSTP will be performing.

I get there and I hadn’t seen how it looked like inside the dome before noon. It was absolutely breathtaking! There was a hexagonal shaped opening on the ceiling of the dome where sunlight shined through like curtains floating over the crowd. It looked almost divine. I was so tired and stressed from my travels across the ocean, from Saturday’s all day events. My bones ached from the chilled, frozen air that felt like daggers when I breathe, me coming from mostly sunny California where it does not snow. My feet ached from all the walking and standing on concrete for the last 2 days. My body was sore from jumping, headbanging, rocking out dancing, and probably beating up a few kids around me. My throat hurt from screaming, singing, laughing, crying. In that moment, I felt at home. Bathed in sunlight, in front of an empty stage waving the banner of one my most favorite bands that truly inspire me, encircled by like-minded individuals sharing the same love for music, anticipating the lights to drop and our boys to hit the stage. It felt like home.

The moment SSTP stepped on stage, they were a force that sent shock waves across the venue. I have goosebumps right now as I’m typing this. These guys are going to take over the world, mark my words. This is the second time I’ve seen them perform from nearly 2 years ago and I can tell what a huge growth they’ve made since then. I’m so proud of them! I hope the world is ready for them because they’re coming with full throttle.

Next band to see on my list was Noisemaker. I actually saw SSTP and Noisemaker perform together 3 days after coldrain’s Budokan concert. It was such an amazing week to be able to see my top 3 bands within days of each other. Although, I hadn’t known Noisemaker yet at the time. I didn’t fully appreciate them. In fact, it took many months of Denise trying to convince me to get into them hahaha… little did I know they would have kicked down so many bands to make it to my top 3 within months. Once I was in, I was completely devoured. So essentially this would be more like the first time for me to see Noisemaker fully devoted as a fan. I came equipped knowing their songs (except for some Japanese parts which I just make up half of it) and ready to just lose my mind.

But first, I have to give SSTP’s gift over at their merch booth. I have 1 1/2 hour until Noisemaker’s set. I walk over to SSTP’s merch booth and oh dear god, their line is like 4 times longer than the hour wait line I had with Noisemaker earlier! So I kind of freaked out, again! I thought better of it and there’s no way I was going to miss Noisemaker’s set. Nope, not today satan. So I went to the Cloak Check area, checked in SSTP’s gift and my jacket. I decided to head to Noisemaker’s stage and watch their performance, then come back to retrieve SSTP’s gift then hand it over afterwards. Perfect!

I waited through the ending of a band’s set, then through another band’s full set, Good 4 Nothing. And they were really fun! I enjoyed myself. Then Noisemaker was up next and setting up their own equipment. I hadn’t remembered that the first time. I see all the guys that I admire and look up to walking around on stage casually setting up their instruments. Why am I even surprised? They are such a DIY band which I highly respect. I see AG walking out doing his own mic check. Then they started playing and I wasn’t even ready! Like wait! It’s happening NOW??!! I was feeling very emotional until AG commanded us all to jump— didn’t have time to cry like a baby so I was jumping away. Then they stopped playing and left the stage. Wait what??!!! What is happening? I started looking around kind of freaking out and everyone was just chilling at ease. I’m like okay, do they know something I do not? Did someone tell AG that I’m here? Did he runaway from me again? (if you don’t know the story, AG ran away from me the first time we saw each other) I pulled out the program booklet and saw that they weren’t up for their set for another 8 minutes! The song was just to mic check and check their instruments. How cool is that? Get a free pre-show song.

They came back out and the floor is packed like a can of sardines. They blew my mind! They have like this swag, cool vibe to them that I don’t really see in other bands. They experiment with their sound a lot and I can’t even name another band that sounds anything like them. They do it just right and just enough to where it doesn’t sound overwhelming or a weird clash of noises (like Crossfaith, yeah I just dissed them, so what?). I was over the moon and utterly sad when they played To Live is. I got really emotional because of the depth of the song and I knew it would be their last song.

For some reason, I relate to Noisemaker so much more than my other bands. They are artists creating their own things, they are very expressive, astronomy geeks haha, and they write about things I know and have felt too often in my life. This is Me is probably my favorite track by them because I relate to it on every aspect. Being different and not knowing how to handle it. You try so hard to just fit in and be accepted. Along the way you just lose yourself until you’ve hit the lowest point in your life. One day you stomach enough courage to claw your way out of the self buried grave only to try to find yourself again. Once found, there’s no stopping you. I know we are different. All my mistakes I wear them proud. This is Me. Just one life.

And it’s my life.

After Noisemaker’s set, I rush back to Cloak Check to retrieve my things. I walk passed SSTP’s booth and it’s completely empty! No one was there! Sheer panic start to set in for the billionth time this weekend! I pace back and forth like WTF am I going to do?! I still have their gift! I took a moment to lean up against the wall to just anchor myself enough to calm the hell down before I start crying again. Then I remembered the information booth! I rush across the venue to the food court to look for the information booth. There were 3 young ladies and only 1 knew enough English. As I am in a panic, I start blurting out everything super fast! Poor girl with eyes wide like okay, okay, okay, slow down please hahaha! So I put in Google Translator to explain about SSTP and how I have a gift for them and she said she can give it to them for me! OMG!!! Yes!!! So I rush back to Cloak Check to retrieve the gift and my jacket then rushed my way back. I hand it over to the young lady and she looked into it and saw that there was a card and suitcase. She asked if I wanted to write a note? And I was trying to explain to her that there’s already a note inside the card. So I grabbed the card out of the bag to open it and show her there was already a note and I glanced down at the suitcase and saw “cr” logo embossed on the suitcase! OHHHH NOOOOOOOO!!!! This is coldrain’s suitcase that should have been given to Dajo yesterday! OMG! I gave Dajo SSTP’s suitcase instead! My anxiety is through the roof!

How did I let this happen???!!! She was kind of enough to give me a pen and sticky notes so I basically wrote to coldrain to swap suitcases with SSTP and wrote the same thing to SSTP to swap suitcases with coldrain. Did this get all figured out? I have no idea until this day. I honestly believe that they didn’t even receive their gifts at all.

After all that, I needed some air. I walked outside to sit at a bench and take a breather. It was so chilly outside but felt so good against my rosy, feverish cheeks from all the mishaps and adventures I’ve had. I wasn’t even hungry. My tummy was in knots and I was glad I was alone to be able to collect myself on my own terms. I messaged Chance for a little bit, I needed just that familiarity to feel at ease again. I’m not sure how long I sat there for. Before I got up to proceed with my adventure, I happened to check Twitter and saw that SSTP tweeted that they were ending merch sales at 1:30 PM. Noisemaker’s set started at 1:20 PM so there was no way I would have known unless I checked Twitter right before Noisemaker’s set.

I finally got up to head over to the dome because I knew SiM would be playing soon. I stand at the back this time because I still needed that breathing room and just watched the monitors. SiM is such a fun band! They have so much energy on stage and the crowd loves them! They love doing their little dances and stuff with the crowd. It’s very cute and fun! It was my first time seeing them and they were the second Jrock band I got into after coldrain so it was really special to me. I did linger around a little bit after they played still soaking it up as they dismantled their set and their banner came flying down.

I knew I had to eat soon because I hadn’t eaten all day and I’ve been running around like a mad woman all day long and it’s now almost 4:30 PM. I knew One Ok Rock will be playing soon. I do not care for this band, I repeat, I do not give 2 shits about this band! But for some god awful reason, they are so popular. So I knew that if I timed it just right, the food court will be a wasteland. I was right. I walk into the food court and it was completely empty saved for like maybe 25 other people. I’m like yeahhh! You’re my kind of people. No lines for food and any table of my choosing to sit in all to myself. It was the quietest moment I’ve had since I’ve flown out of California. Plus the stage next to the food court was in between sets so no music playing for a good 10 minutes. I took my time to recharge and reboot myself for Pay Money to My Pain (PTP) and coldrain’s set. They were the last 2 I needed to see to end my night.

PTP though… it was so beautiful and so heart wrenching. If you don’t know them, their singer Kei died at the age of 31 a few years back due to heart failure. He was my age by a few months older. He was praised and revered in the Jrock scene so it was very devastating to fans and other bands alike. Singers from other bands took turns singing the songs. My favorite PTP song is Pictures and I was elated to learn that Yosh from SSTP and AG from Noisemaker sang that song together. Some of my favorite vocalists singing my favorite song. It ached my heart so much both painfully and joyfully. Is that even possible? Never in a million years did I think I’d get to see that song performed live and it happened. A true historical moment.

Now for the finale, coldrain. Oh, coldrain… it pains me to even have to write this part. I’ll be honest and express my truest feelings for that night. I was really hurt and disappointed. It took them an hour to get on stage. They were late for a full hour for a festival they were hosting and not to mention they’ve been there all day! How? We stood there in the quiet dark, tired and sore AF, just waiting. My feet were to the point of screaming out of my shoes because they hurt so much. If I hadn’t been training to run my 10 miles for the last 2 months, there’s no way I would have survived this trip. Even with my training, I was in agony. It got so uncomfortable and confusing that even other band members came on stage to kill time by telling jokes and clowning around on stage. I had no idea what they were saying, but Mah from SiM, a couple of members from Crossfaith, Igari from Hey Smith, a couple of other staff members were kind enough to help ease the tension until coldrain came on stage. And then what? Business as usual? Let’s all pretend that you didn’t make us all wait for an hour for no reason at all? It was so unprofessional. Then Masato’s performance was shit. He was off key and just kept screaming lyrics that were not even screaming parts. That’s how you can tell how flustered he was. I don’t know what happened backstage but it triggered the whole band. I can sense a huge distance between the band members. No one was really interacting with one another, no one really left their spot on the stage. I mean Sugi, come on it’s Sugi! He loves doing his roundhouse kicks and interacting with the crowd doing headbang contests— there was none of that. It was uncomfortable to watch them. It wasn’t until 3-4 songs later that Masato found the bottle of alcohol that the comedy relief band members had left on the platform next to his mic as a small joke. He took a gulp of it and it finally loosened him up. He started to perform better after that, but it was still not 100%. Not the 200% I know coldrain always gives at every performance. They didn’t even do an encore.

I was completely shattered. The physical pain of my body paled in comparison to the heartache I felt. They had special trains running in between scheduled trains specifically for Blare Fest due to the 20k attendees that will swarm the train station. Because of their late performance, you can kiss all that goodbye. I got stuck at the train station and didn’t get into a train until 3 cars later nearly 2 hours after the show. I did more standing at the train station, more standing in the train ride, more running across train stations to catch 2 subways, then walking across the station to walk up flights of stairs so I can walk 3 blocks back to my apartment. I was a pro at catching trains and subways by then though. It took over 3 hours to get back and it was midnight. I had a flight the next morning at 11:00 AM which meant I had to be at the airport by 8:00 AM.

I setup Uber to pick me up at 7:15 AM. The driver didn’t speak a lick of English and actually took me to the wrong airport. I needed to go to the international airport and he dropped me off at the domestic airport. I was just way too exhausted and emotional to even panic. So I grabbed another cab and an extra $200 later, I finally arrived at the airport nearly an hour later. Luckily I left early enough and wasn’t too stressed about missing my flight. I also checked in online so I skipped a long line of people to drop off my luggage. I had an hour to kill to go buy some sweets and treats to take home to my friends and family. My layover was in Seoul, Korea and I was stuck there for 7 hours before my flight back home to San Francisco.

Let me just mention that the airport in Seoul reminded me of an American mall. They had Jamba Juice, Victoria’s Secret, all the high end names like Prada, Coach, etc. and even a Taco Bell! WTF?!! Their Orange Dream Machine tasted so artificial like slightly frozen, blended orange yogurt? There wasn’t even ice in the smoothie! And their size small was half the size of our size small haha… their large is probably our regular small. Also, airport staff was extremely rude. I snapped at like 3 of them.

Anyhow, I fly back home to San Francisco to find myself in a long DMV’ish line at customs. I was in line for nearly an hour and one of the officers took the lady and her kid in front me and also told me to come too. Thank goodness! I saw so many salty faces watching us walk over to cut in front of the line hahaha! I had filled out a customs form to declare the items I was bringing home in the airplane and dude barely glanced at it and handed it back to me? He couldn’t even be bothered with it. I didn’t care though… I was in the clear to go home! I rush through to baggage claim, found my luggage and headed towards the exit. I searched desperately for the 2 faces I love so dearly and found them waiting for me sitting across Starbucks. I felt a thousand pounds unhinge off of me.

I thought I had felt at home back in Japan. I was dead wrong. When I saw Chance and Isaac looking back at me, that’s when I truly felt at home. There’s just no place like home.

P.S. I didn’t even mention that I went to Japan with a head cold so I was coughing up my lungs half the time. I watched so many people scatter away from me like cockroaches at the switch of a light turning on hahaha… it was great! I had so much space and wiggle room! Corona Virus at its glory.

*UPDATE* A friend told me that they were having system problems on Sunday night which is why coldrain was an hour late for their set.